Allowing Him To Write My Love Story
When I was a girl, I pictured myself in the country, living in a farmhouse with a wrap around porch. Of course, there were children, a loyal dog, vegetables in the garden and flowers in the field. I desperately wanted a husband but couldn’t picture one … I just couldn’t imagine that a man would really love me.
I grew up on a steady diet of soap operas and I began to believe that what was portrayed was the real truth in marriage. We were a church-going family and I’m sure my parents didn’t realize the impact that the media was having on my formulating opinions. I grew less certain that there were any faithful men left but more convinced that a man was necessary for happiness.
In my mind, there were no good men. So I was willing to settle. I allowed myself to become emotionally attached to someone whom I thought I could change. Scripture tells us that “bad company corrupts good morals” but I was willing to discard that advice. I vividly remember telling YHWH that I could handle the situation and would He please let me have my way. Can you imagine that? Emotions will overrule your head every time.
YHWH let me have my way. My life was a downhill spiral after that. My husband’s lifestyle didn’t change; I just got engulfed by it. Those were years of tears and agonizing pain. I couldn’t change him but he was changing me.
Finally, I fell to my knees and confessed my mistake to YHWH. I begged forgiveness and committed to Him that I would no longer make my own decisions. I also released my marriage to Him. I chose YHWH’s love over a man’s love. It was the beginning of a new life for me.
My husband wasn’t fond of the new me. I was a much better wife than I had ever been but it didn’t suit his lifestyle. He left.
I became content to be alone, just my King and I. It was so peaceful and easy. I wrote a poem describing the man I hoped Abba would bring. Then I laid the desire at His feet and left it there.
One day, YHWH spoke to me in an audible voice and pointed out the man He said I was to marry. It was tempting to again take matters into my own hands but YHWH quickly reminded me that HE was my MATCHMAKER. I would not make the same mistake again. So I stood by my heavenly Father and I waited. I did not see that man again for six months. I didn’t even know his name.
My kind and loving heavenly Father brought Robert back into my life at exactly the right time. We both knew that our relationship was blessed. We married and have been happy for almost two decades.
I never dreamed that a man like Robert existed. He is perfect for me. We are so in love and happy. When trials do come, we have the confidence of knowing that we belong together. YHWH holds us together and there is no bond stronger than His love.
Please ladies … wait. Don’t fall prey to the hormones and emotions of youth. Get busy serving and ministering, walking in obedience to your Father. He knows the perfect mate for you. He made you and He is the best one to find your match.
I wish my story was short and sweet, full of obedience and joy. But let my heartaches spur you to embrace righteousness, patience and faithfulness. When I came to my crossroads, I turned away from the only ONE who really loved me, my Abba. I thought I knew best. I believed the world instead of my Abba. He has been kind to work it all together for my good but oh, how sad I am for the pain I must have caused Him.
I am often moved to tears when I read Isaiah. Our Father longs to be everything to us. If we will surrender ourselves, turn from our own ways and obey Him, He will be our God and we will be His people. Trust Him. Wait for Him. He will not disappoint you.
(This article was originally published in Volume2 Number1/Spring 2009. You can request the entire issue in PDF on this page.)
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