Independence: A Bad Idea
We are very independent people, especially as Americans. I mean, we set up this country because we wanted to be independent of England. I am not saying that was a bad move (on the contrary, I think it was a good move – no offense to my British friends!). I’m just saying that we pride ourselves on being independent.
Guess what? Ladies are not supposed to be independent. Is that shocking? Unfortunately, our culture encourages women to be independent.
Some definitions of the word independent include: “free from the control of others” and “not relying on others”. When we look at examples of single young women in the Bible, they are in their father’s houses … under his authority. We do not see examples of young ladies being independent, going here and there, doing this and that, etc.
I am not saying that it is a sin for a young lady to work or live outside of her parent’s home. I don’t think it is a good idea but I definitely do not want to put guilt or condemnation on anyone who finds themselves in circumstances that they cannot change. As a general rule, I believe that a young lady should remain in her father’s home until she marries. Not only is that the example that we see in the Scriptures but there are incredible benefits to be had as well.
There are several different reasons why I want to remain in my parent’s home, such as:
- I know it’s the right thing to do,
- I love them and my siblings and want to be a help and blessing to them,
- I don’t have to worry about providing for all of my own needs,
- I would be really lonely if I lived all by myself,
But the one that I want to talk about here is protection. One of the most important reasons that I want to be in my parent’s home, is to have their protection.
Guess what? Our parents are so much wiser than we are. There are many verses in Proverbs that speak about receiving the instruction of our parents and heeding their counsel (my finger points back at me as a I write!). I know that my parents want the best for me and they want to keep me from making the mistakes that they did.
Imagine being in a forest and trying to get from one point to another. There are so many paths that lead this way and that. One dead-ends into a briar patch and another will take you right into a river with no bridge. If you follow this one, you will find yourself going around and around in circles, never reaching the place you want to go. And if you follow that one, you’ll find that it is covered in thick mud. You know that there is a sinkhole somewhere in the near vicinity, and also that one path will take you right through a viper’s nest.
Imagine standing at the start line, trying to decide which path to take. A person approaches you and says, “I am very familiar with this forest … more familiar than I would like to be, to tell the truth. When I was young, I tried to make my way through and I took every wrong path there is. Eventually, I found the right path and reached the finish line. If you would like, I can guide you through safely and prevent you from making all the mistakes that I did.”
Can you imagine looking that person in the eye and saying; “Thanks for the offer but I’m going to do it myself. I think I’ll be able to find my way just fine and I’m not concerned about going round and round in a circle, getting scratched by briars, stuck in the mud, half-drowned in the river, bitten by vipers, and floundering in a sinkhole. I’ll just take my chances, and trust my senses.”
Most of us would be horrified at such foolishness. And yet, are we not doing the same thing, when we do not accept our parent’s instruction, correction and counsel? We are saying (perhaps not verbally, but by our actions), “I’m going to do things my way. I don’t really care that you are older and more experienced than I am. It doesn’t matter that you were given to me for my well-being and that I am supposed to honor and obey you. I’m going to do it the way that I want to do it.”
I am so thankful for my parent’s protection; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually … it’s great! I would hate to have to live by myself and have sole responsibility for my life and the decisions that have to be made. What a blessing it is to have loving parents who can protect me from being all alone in that cruel world out there
In closing, I would like to encourage each and every one of you to look for opportunities to serve, bless and learn at home. Our mindset needs to be “home-based”. We need to be comfortable in our homes. As daughters, we are to be cornerstones or pillars (Psalm 144:12). We have such an important role – we are to be to our family what a corner foundation is to a house. That’s quite a position to fill!
Please don’t buy into the theory that you have to go and work outside the home in order to be successful. It’s a lie from the devil. Our place is in our home and while we may not appear successful in the eyes of the world, we are laying up for ourselves treasures in heaven …
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. – Matthew 6:19-20
(This article was originally published in Volume2 Number2/Summer 2009. You can request the entire issue in PDF on this page.)
Possibly sharing at: The Modest Mom, The Art of Home-Making Monday, Titus 2 Tuesday, A Wise Woman, Raising Homemakers, Christian Blogger Community, Coffee and Conversation, Hearts for Home, Growing in Grace, Imparting Grace, SHINE Blog Hop, Grace and Truth, The Homemaking Party.